Three Types of Love- Karen's Column
Three types of Love
It is “Hormone Heaven” at our place at the moment. Last week we bought a drop-dead gorgeous stallion and I have five mares who are swooning and going googly-eyed over the new boy on the block…er field! My little connemara mare Phantasia has been the cutest to watch - she has stuck to him like glue and continually rests her head against his head and ‘kisses’ his face. Her obsessive pony crush is the cutest thing I’ve seen!
I wonder if you read in the last month’s newsletter where I told of witnessing a child come within seconds of drowning. It made me realise how feeling helpless must be one of life’s most negative emotions. If we put it to a vote, what do you think would rate as life’s most positive emotion? I suppose love would be the winner hands down.
We hear a lot about love don’t we. Most movies, songs and magazines (except Horse DealsJ) are telling us that love is what life is all about… and they do have a point. Who wants be unloved? Not me, and I bet not you. Feeling loved, appreciated, valued and enjoyed is a soul stirring delight that none of us should have to live without. This month I want to share with you three secrets that have helped me understand more about genuine love.
Have you noticed the three common types of love?
1. I love you if.
2. I love you because.
3. I love you anyway.
The first type of ‘so called’ love is very manipulative. It makes people feel loved only when they are doing what another person expects. For example, “I love you if you do what I want.” When you find yourself in a situation where someone is treating you this way, you need to realise that real love doesn’t manipulate, demand and behave like this. This person is using love as a power to get what is best for them and not what is best for you. Real love is not selfish, so beware the person who sends the message “I love you if.”
The second sort of ‘love’ is not genuine love either, as it is conditional too. It sends the message, “I love you because…” For example “I love you because you’re pretty,” or “I love you because you make me feel good about myself.” Well what happens when we don’t look so pretty or we do something unpopular or hurtful? You see this love is still being selfish and thinking about getting instead of giving.
The third type of love is the real stuff that love is made of. It sends the message, “I love you anyway.” It communicates “I love you without conditions, not because of this or that, not if you do that. I love you simply for being you!” This love is not demanding, it doesn’t have selfish conditions. This love is an unselfish, giving love and it takes all the insecurity and performing out of relationships. This is the sort of love we see in carers, and old people who have stuck together through thick and thin. They may be wrinkly, grumpy, chubby and quirky but their partner loves them anyway. What a beautiful kind of love!
This following quote is often read at weddings, because it spells out what real love looks like. But we shouldn’t save it for special occasions. This is the sort of love we can give our friends and family everyday.
“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not touchy or irritable and doesn’t keep track of being wronged. Love never gloats about getting even, but love gets excited about doing good. Love never gives in, it never stops hoping for the best in others. Real love endures through every situation.” *
I don’t know about you but that sounds like the kind of love I want to receive and give to my friends and family.
Wishing you the delight of anyway love,
Karen welcomes you questions and comments. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
Karen’s previous columns are available in the publications section of this website.
*Quote from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (in the Bible)